Blessings in Disguise
Evey time I drive by a church, cemetery….even temples or one of those flowered crosses on the side of the road where some poor soul had lost their life….I bless myself. I have been doing this for a few years now and it just became an automatic reaction after a while. I knew where every single location was while living in Pennsylvania. Then we moved to Florida.
I should have just left my hand on the top of my forehead at all times. There is a church of some denomination on every corner, in every town, in every county. Cemeteries are pretty much set back in the more rural areas, so they are not that prevalent. The crosses…..forget it. I had carpal tunnel within a week. I stuck with my tradition though. I just kept thinking…..if I stop, God will be mad, I will feel guilty and something awful would happen to me or my family. Hence the Catholic guilt creeping up on me once again.
After my last few post, I stopped doing all of this. I had to make a conscious effort NOT to do it. It was so natural for so long that it was difficult. Then I started to feel guilty…like I rebelling against God. I felt as if I was betraying someone….like He would be angry that I stopped doing a ritual that I started myself and something terrible was about to happen because I stopped it all. Why would the Baptists, Mormons, Lutherans, Muslims or Jews have a problem with my new ritual? I’m Catholic, but I was honoring all religions because I simply do not know who is right and I wanted to cover all bases. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?!?
So, now I am free to drive without interruption in fromt of any religious buliding or burial ground. I don’t feel guilty any longer. I just drive like the majority of people now….not noticing if there may be a religious site or symbol to recongnize or revere.
So, yet again, I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. What is with me and this issue?
Do I need a rabbi, priest or therapist?