Jet To No Where

Help me find out if I am on a Jet To No where…or just on stand by.

Archive for the month “February, 2013”

Fillicide Follow Up….

 

I don’t know if this will mean anything to me. I was angry at Jake before I had this dream. He was being disrespectful earlier in the day, but this still haunts me and I have hugged and kissed him every chance I have had since this dream. I know you cannot control your dreams, but all of this is frightening to me. I only hope I never experience it again.

 

INTERPRETATIONS OF THE DREAM:

http://www.dreambible.com/dreamdictionary/c2.html

Children

To see your real life children in a dream represents ideas, habits, or developments that are being encouraged. Situations or aspects of your life that you want to see powerful or flourish. It may also reflect an aspect of yourself based on the one thing that stands out the most about that child.

If you have more than one child in real life then each child will represent a different aspect of your life based on your most honest feelings about then.

To dream of losing a child represents feelings of being overloaded or stretched beyond your limits. Juggling too much at once or “dropping the ball” with something because you are too involved with something else. Getting so caught up in minor details that you forget what’s most important.

To dream of a child dying represents a loss or unpleasant change to some area of your life that had potential. Positively, a child death may reflect a growing problem that has finally been dealt with.

If you dream of children that you don’t recognize it represents new ideas, or situations that are being encouraged. Something not thought of before. Negatively, it may reflect burdens, responsibilities, or problems that have to be looked after.

Evil children symbolize negative or corrupted aspects of your personality that are being encouraged. It may also point to a bad situation or problem that feels like it’s getting out of control or scares you. Evil children may also reflect childish beliefs or habits that are getting out of hand.

Alternatively, children may reflect aspects of your personality that are playful, young at heart, or childish in intention. You don’t want to be involved with anything serious.

*Please See Son. *Please See Daughter.

Son

To dream of a son that you don’t have represents an emotional investment or hope for the future in a situation where you are dominant, assertive, or insensitive. Determined protective feelings. Doing everything you can to maintain control over a situation. Being stuck with a decision where you have a leading or controlling stake. Deciding to assert yourself or be aggressive and now living with the consequences or responsibility of that decision. A developing masculine aspect of your personality or life.

 To dream of a son you actually have in waking life may represent a situation you hope to see succeed or thrive. If you have more than one son in real life then each son will represent a different aspect of yourself based on your most honest feelings about then. Ask yourself what qualities or feelings stand out the most to you about your son and try to see how that may apply to a situation in waking life.

 Alternatively, dreaming about your son may reflect your waking life relationship with him.

 Evil sons symbolize negative or corrupted aspects of your personality that you are encouraging. It may also point to a bad situation or problem that you are supporting. You may feel that your own aggression or assertiveness has turned on you.

Example: A man dreamed seeing his dead son. In waking life he had lost his eligibility for home insurance, which worried him a lot. The dead son represented the lost home insurance which the man cared about getting back.

Example 2: A man dreamed of seeing his older son as a child. In waking life his was experiencing his son moving out of the house for the first time. The son being little reflected the man’s projection of his son doing something new with his life.

 *Please See Children. *Please See Daughter.

MORE INTERPRETATIONS:

http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/dreamdictionary/

To dream of killing:

categories: Activities

Killing or wanting to kill often represents a desire for power or control, often based in feelings of powerlessness. Killing someone can mean:

  • You’d like to take power from whomever or whatever that person represents in your real life, perhaps so you can feel less powerless
  • You are angry at them in real life
  • You’re feeling unwilling to deal with the problems or hassles you feel they cause you

Killing someone in self defense can mean you’re feeling attacked somehow (mentally, emotionally, physically) or that you need to defend yourself or stand up for yourself somehow.

Killing someone accidentally can mean you’re afraid you’ll accidentally hurt that person, that something you do may be detrimental to them somehow, or that your subconscious mind is thinking things through to make sure this doesn’t happen.

To dream of attacking someone:

If you dream you are attacking someone (physically or mentally), consider your feeling during the dream:

  • If you are attacking because you are angry at the person, you are probably really angry at them or something related to them
  • If you are attacking to protect yourself against an attack by them, you may feel threatened by that person’s criticism, hostility, ambition, etc. in real life
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Fillicide

Marilyn Manson

“Is adult amusement killing our children, or is killing our children amusing adults?”  ―    Marilyn Manson

 

My son was gone.

I was screaming his name over and over, echoing through the vast rooms with high ceilings and shiny old oak crown molding. I was running down every stair case, looking into every room, searching…..scouring what was easily 25 old, Victorian style rooms. I yelled  his name so many times that I was hoarse. My through scratchy and tired, my heart pounding with each gasp.

“Jakob!!!!!”, I cried,……..nothing.  “JAKOB, WHERE ARE YOU???!!!???”, I bellowed down with each step. No response.

I don’t remember why I was looking for him. I know I was angry, but I have no clue as to why. He wasn’t answering me. He knew I hated that. I always told him that if he hears me call his name to never yell, “What?”, back to me. He was to come to where ever I was in the house. I knew he was mad, so that is why he wasn’t answering me and it infuriated me more and more. I was so angry, yet frantic…searching….”Jakob!”……”Jakob!”…..”JAKOB!!!”…..

I found him on the first floor. There must have been five or six staircases that I remember going down. I didn’t recognize the house either. I was a house from a faint childhood memory that I may have been in once when I was a little girl. Jakob was so angry that he would not even look at me.

I kept screaming, “Why didn’t you answer me?”….”What the fuck is wrong with you?!?”…….”I am going to kill you for this one!”…..yet, I don’t know why I was mad or what he had done to set me off so badly.

I had my hands around his throat, tightening my grip while he tried to yell….”Please, mom…..PLEASE MOMMY, DON”T….” I would stop and say, “This is what you get for acting this way!!!!”…..”This is what happens when you don’t answer me!!!!”. He fell to his knees and I stopped. When he started to speak, to ask me what was wrong with me….I started choking him again……”How do you like this?”….”Huh?”…..”Are you happy now?”….”Are you glad you didn’t answer me, that you IGNORED ME???!!!???”.

Then all I heard was a crack. I knew instantly what I had done. My arms fell. They hit the floor like lead. I was sobbing, ….NO…..NO….NO!!!”….What have I done?!?!”….”OH God PLEASE NO!!!!!!!”, I echoed the entire house. Then, his face faded away….. I was holding a screen…I think it was an iPad, cracked with the Apple on the front fading because I knew I had broken it….or him….

I just woke up sobbing. I am inconsolable. Why the fuck would I dream of killing my child? He is my life, my love, my legacy.

We went to IKEA today. It was Jake, Owen, Sami, Jayden, Seth and Jill. We met Robin and Miles, Jake’s best friend, there. It was such a long, exhausting day. If anyone has ever been to an IKEA, especially with one child, let alone five, they know exactly what I am talking about. Jake and Miles were running around the store, getting food in the cafeteria…..just goofing around as usual. He wasn’t especially bad…he was just bored and being 12 with his best friend. Robin had to leave early, so Jake went with them to sleep over Miles’ house. I miss Jake so much when he sleeps out. Sometimes I lie and say something like, “Oh, not tonight honey….we have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.”, just so I have him home. He is my baby.

About two hours after he left the store, he called me. I had his iPod in  my purse, so he wouldn’t lose it while he was running around. He asked me to bring it over to him. I told him I was still here, at IKEA. He was angry. ….”What?”, he said in a disgusted voice. “I thought you would have been home by now.”….. You could tell he was mad. He was huffing and deep signing.

I said, “No, I told you it was going to be a long day and just because you forgot to get it before you left is not my problem…..There is no way I am….NEVERMIND!”,  I screamed. “I don’t have time to argue about this! Too bad!”…and I hung up. It was getting late. I was tired, frustrated with 4 kids and Jill was the same and getting on my nerves as well.

I spoke to Jake earlier, about 8:00 or 9:00 PM to say good night. He was fine…having a good time. We didn’t even mention the iPod discussion. It was long over and forgotten.

I know why I was holding a cracked, broken iPad now. I don’t know why I would ever have dreamt that I would have strangled my son. Truth be told, I wanted to strangle Jill by the end of the night.

I woke up screaming, crying, inconsolable. I wake up this way at least once a week. I have vivid nightmares of semi-real life events. They alway end badly. I sobbed and yelled, “No, no, no, no…” so many times, I cannot count. I was coughing and throwing up. I was still asleep for the most part. After about 3-5 minutes, I started to realize that it wasn’t real….I had dreamt the whole thing. Then, I was truly a wreck because I cannot fathom that nightmare. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that I dreamt that I killed my son….and for a reason I cannot remember….not that there would ever even be a reason to kill one’s child.

It was 1:15 AM. I called Jake sobbing. I said I was sorry for waking him and I had a horrible nightmare and needed to hear his voice. He was fine. He said he was still awake…that he couldn’t sleep. I don’t believe that, just because he sounded like I woke him up. He kept telling me to calm down and he was okay. He knows about my nightmares. I calmed down a little. I told him to call me in the morning so I could come and get him as soon as possible. He said okay. I kept telling him over and over that I loved and missed him so much.

I can’t even see the computer screen as I write this. The tears and just running down my face…my voice is scratchy and I feel like I am getting a cold. I didn’t even put my glasses on, so there is probably more than a dozen typos in this story. This true story. I write my dreams down as soon as I wake up or I would never remember the detail. It would never be as raw as it is now. When I go back to sleep and wake up later and come to read this, just as I have done countless times before, I am dumbfounded. I can’t believe some of the things I have dreamt and the sadness or violence of them.

I don’t know what to do with this information….why would I have strangled my son to death in my dream? I am calmer now, but still upset and crying. I love my son so very much is physically hurts at times…..my heart aches.

I guess I will be Goggling dream meanings after this…..or do I even want to know?

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